Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Dear Sick and Twisted,

I enjoy my Psychology class. What i do not enjoy, is sitting next to you. First of all, if your toe hair sticking out of your sick mandals wasnt enough, the way you mutter under your breath drives me insane. FYI, your creepy accent makes you sound like jafar when you talk, and i think you have pure evil running through your veins.

Talking about Milgrams Electric Shock experiment was really quite fascinating, even though it was sad to realize how many people in the world will follow orders even if it involves harming others. What was NOT fascinating and was actually quite disturbing, was hearing your evil little snicker when Professor Bates went into detail about what would happen when someone applied 600 volts of shock to the other person. You are entertained by others pain, are you not? Who sprinkled demon on your effing cheerios this morning!?!?!?

Hearing you LAUGH at the pictures he showed of people getting killed in various wars made me sick. Hearing you mumble.. "The last time i killed someone...". I'm glad i ignored you when you tried to comment to me. I'm glad i glared at you. I'm glad that I had enough restraint not to yell at you so that i would not cause a scene. You are a sick and twisted bastard. And if i wasn't positive you'd come after me, I would have slapped you so hard that you would have wet yourself.


P.S. I am usually a nice, classy person. And i feel zero tolerance for tools like you.

P.S. again..If you ever.. and I mean EVER, try to sit by me again, I will castrate you. With a butter knife.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Dear Gosselin Kids,

I truly feel so awful for you. You poor poor children. Not only do you have to share genes with Katezilla and Dirtbag Jon, but for the resssst of your life, you are going to end up in TMZ mag and US weekly. Its not your fault that Jon is attracted to slutty hoes, nor is it your fault that your mother has a few chemical issues that she needs resolved in therapy. So if i were you, I'd pack up your blankies and dollies and head out to the nearest road.. I think that hitchhiking your way to a new life would be the best outcome to this situation. Or, in a few years you could drive yourself over to the invitro specialist and give him a piece of your mind for allowing your parents to produce children. That could work too.

Bless your little hearts,

P.S. if your daddy marries that hoebag hailey, I would advise you to hire a hitman.

P.S. again, i hate you madi and i think that you caused the divorce. devil child.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Dear Boy Who Threw A Rock At My Window,

Not cool. If you do this again, i'll come up with something else to scream out the window other than, "I'm married and pregnant, leave me alone!". And what i do yell will involve curse words. You are not a Jonas brother coming to serenade me. You are not prince charming. So leave me alone.


Dear NieNie

Thank you for making me appreciate my blessed life. Thank you for making me appreciate every freckle on my face, and every imperfection i have. You're amazing.


Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Dear Oliver from 'Oliver Twist',

I was just wondering what on earth would posess you to give michael jackson your sperm so he could grow a baby with debbie rowe? i just thought i'd ask, cause i'm pretty curious.

Grossed out and intruiged,

P.S. what other famous celebs have you donated your swimmers to?

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Dear Teenage Boy,

Thank you for bowing to me like a knight in shining armor and making a gentlemanly gesture to give me the right away at the four way stop today. Thank you, for making me feel like a lady and making me laugh as i passed you. you are awesome.

hoping to see you again,

Friday, August 7, 2009

Dear Billy Mays,

I gave you plenty of attention when i heard of your death, even though everyone was focused on dear MJ. And what is it that i see on the google headlines?

"Billy Mays autopsy reveals cocaine"

so thats why you were always so loud and frazzled on your so-loved infomercials! Kaboom!!! you were waiting for another hit of coke! tisk tisk billy!!!! Now whenever i see you on tv, (rest in peace) i'm going to run up to the tv and carefully inspect your beard for evidence that you really were an avid drug user.

Ashamed of your secret habits but still sorry you passed,

did you at least slip some coke into some Oxy-Clean for the rest of us? or perhaps... Oxycontin?