Dear Blaine Warbler,

You make me swoon.
(minus you look like one of my ex boyfriends whom i wish to forget..)
But nonetheless, SWOON.
You are my teenage dream.

It doesnt matter if youre gay on tv.....right? I hope youre not gay in real life...cuz I found out Jesse St. James is gay in real life and it sorta crushed me... But after I did a little youtube research..maybe you ARE gay in real life, because you became famous for covering disney songs, such as 'part of your world' and 'lets get down to business'.
Thats super embarrassing on your part. But I guess I can look past that because you are soooo frickin' adorable!

Ardently wishing your true sexuality is straight-as-a-board,
-Me

Dear Ghetto Smoker Girls,

My air vent  from downstairs that is leaking hotely/smokey/musty smell isn't fooling anyone.
You.......are.........sooo HUFFIN AND PUFFIN! and so caught.

So, the way i see it... you have two options:
1: Stop smoking and smelling up my house and live your life cancer-free
2: Wait till karma comes around and end up like the lady on tv with the hole in her throat..and be ready to sound like a robot the rest of your life
3: Get tattled on by ME.

I'm thinking option 3 is the best right now. Sorry that your unhealthy habits are forcing me to act like my older sister, the tattle tale queen.

If I smell your nasty ghetto apartment smoke again, you bet your BUTT i'm gonna dial up landy-lords number in .342 seconds. I'd advise you puttin those cigs out soon, friends.


Sorry but not sorry- but i'll totally laugh if i see you on tv with a hole in your throat,
-Me