Thursday, March 31, 2011

Dear Rebecca Black,

For you.. i have only a few things to say:

1. In your youtube sensation "Friday", i hope you know people are watching it because its so awful.

2. If the literal pain a dog feels when it is getting nuetered had a sound, your voice would be it.

3. 'gotta wake up gotta get my cereal gotta go to the bus stop theres my friends front seat back seat which seat will i take' lyrics dummy. You have the i.q. of frozen yogurt.

4. Congratulations, because no matter what.. haters have "Friday, friday, friday.." burned into their brains.

Mission accomplished, you annoying 14 year old. At 14 i was focused on looking cute in gym class..and at 14 youre a youtube sensation because you are an embarrassment to society.


Sunday, March 27, 2011

Dear Drunken Idiot,

You are a moron... as if your snowflake tatoo on your bicep didn't already allude to that fact. You are smelly, and asking for hugs from women while intoxicated is pathetic. you are a whole difference race of stupid. AND... you are only 18... better watch out when i turn you in. idiot.

Grossed out,

Monday, March 21, 2011

Dear Army Man,

I do not regret calling you an 'awful person' and a 'poor excuse for a man.
do you blame me? do you remember our conversation?

me: hey would you like to donate to japan?
him: i'm an american. so no.
me: youre kidding right
him: why would i donate to the japanese? did they ever help us? no. why waste my money
me: you are awful. there are already 15,000 people dead over there. you wont even donate to help their families?
him: no. i love america, id donate to americans. i dont care about other people, especially the japanese. why would i donate my money to them when i could donate to starving kids here in MY country?
me: well have you?
him: well no. i'm in the army though and i do what i do for America
me: its sad we have people like you representing our country. seriously. i'm sad about it.
him: i dont frickin care
me: you are a poor excuse for a man. and an awful person.

You are lucky i didnt act on the thoughts in my mind right then. i wanted to slap you across the face, knee you, and kick you in the weenie. possibly stab your heart out. oh wait, nope. no heart there.

I hope you have fun being hateful the rest of your life.


p.s... youre an ugly ginger


Sunday, March 13, 2011

Dear Charlie Sheen...

I feel like... if someone were to upen up your brain, they would find very few braincells riding around on a dragon carousel drinking tigers blood while screaming jibberish nonsense to their fellow neighbor braincells. Maybe they are shaking a tambourine or two in your head. Maybe there is a marching band cooking pot filled brownies on your deteriorating brain and the stove is burning their faces off while at it. faceless, high braincells.