Dear Girl,

I hope that somehow, someway and someday soon you recieve this letter. because trust me, in a few weeks you'd have wished that you had read it. I just wanted to inform you....
HE IS A MAN-HO AND IS GOING TO BREAK YOUR HEART SO RUN WHILE YOU CAN BEFORE HE PUTS HIS SPELL ON YOU, YOU SILLY GIRL! he only wants to kiss you. its not like he wants to be your boyfriend or anything. and if he says he wants to be your boyfriend, he is lying. lets be real. the only girlfriend he has is his boyfriend that looks back at him in the mirror everyday with that blue collared hollister shirt on. sweetheart, hes a player with a capital D for douche.

trust. me. on. this. one, okay blondie? i've been there done that! its just a matter of time my friend. hes a COWBOY CASANOVA. he's a devil in disguise. a snake with blue eyes, if you will. and he only comes out at night.

you better run for your life,
-Me

p.s... thanks carrie underwood for your inspiring words of wisdom.

Dear Homie,

I do not appreciate being called out infront of large groups of people when I am innocently keeping to myself and walking to class, minding my own business.
I especially do not like having attention brought to me by someone shouting rather loudly, the classy phrase:
"hey yo girl!"

And most of all, I think that a boy of your pasty complexion and miniscule stature has no place even uttering those words.
If you're gonna act like a G, at least be taller and older than Justin Beiber.

Thanks,
-Me

Dear Ricky Martin,

I hate to break this news to you, but everyone already knew you were gay.
Way to come out Ricky boy, but i mean... if your tight shirts and leather pants weren't enough, 'Livin la Vida Loca' sure opened up that closet you were hiding in.
All of our gaydars have definitely been pointing to you for the past 10 years.

Godspeed,
-Me