Dear Heartbreak,

Alas, we meet again. You have forced me to put on my sappy breakup man hating playlist once more. That really chaps my hide, you know that?

So he loved another the whole time....you knew what was coming for me! you greedy little son-of-a... rub your little heartbreak hands together why dont you and laugh at me!?!? You've visited me about 3 times in the past little while, and i am sick of seeing your face. You have done none other than driven me to listen to AVRIL LAVIGNE songs!!! What respectable woman in her twenties wallows in teen-punk rock break up ballads!?

Heartbreak, i wish you'd just leave me alone. right about now i feel like shoving a sandwhich down your throat and making you choke on it. or maybe have a bee fly in your mouth and sting you. or hey, go mariokart your way down the street and let Bowser pummel you with a red shell. or you could kindly leave and don't let the door hit ya on the way out, because you owe me that.

No peace and No blessins,
-Me

P.S. i will break out the Cruciatus and/or Sectumsepra spell if you come round here again. I'm sure i could arrange somethin with Volde if you're feelin brave.

Dear Dolphins,

I have never seen you up close.
You freak me out when you give birth on Animal Planet.
However, I will be spending alot of time with you this summer.
Please keep your tiny teeth away from me, and your bottle nose an appropriate distance away from any vital organs of mine you might be tempted to take a poke at.

Sincerely,
-Me

Dear Prince Charming,

I think its around that time where you should show up in my life.
I appreciate you holding out on me, its kept me on my toes.
But seriously, ya wanna pick it up a little?
I'M ONLY YOUNG FOR SO LONG!!!!!
Bump into me at a restaurant or something.
Hold the door for me somewhere.
I DONT CARE.
just show up.
thanks sweetie!


Always Yours,
-Me

Dear Sophomore Year,

Thanks for all the idiot boyfriends you gave me.
And thanks for making me gain the freshman 15 back.
You're a real gem, you know that?

Pissed,
-Me

Dear Nadeene,

hello little fat girl that lives inside me.

i hate that you stay around for weeks at a time when the semester is coming to an end. you just love to ruin my life around finals time, don't you? as if calculating numbers in my stats class wasn't enough, you just make me weigh myself alllllll the time to figure out how many 20 pound infants i'll have to lose before our next encounter where you'll ruin my life once more. at least stop making me visit the aggie quickstop in between classes for a sugar load-up!?!? frick. you're the worst.
a worthy opponent, you are.


hate hate hate loath entirely,
-me