Dear new upstairs neighbor,

Why is it I have such bad luck with upstairs neighbors? I know not. However, I do know I'd take grizzly snoring man over you ANY DAY.

I have never felt so awkward in my life and if these NOISY nights don't stop, your brothel of a bedroom will be getting loud knocks from the floor below, mid-activity, mind you. Honey badger dont care. I'll do it. I promise, I really will if you dont keep your hanky-panky noise down!!! Thanks.

Wishing for the first time i went to BYU and Almost in tears due to sheer naive girlish terror,
-me

Ps you just ruined my life.