Dear Shawn White,

You are hideous.
But your amazing athlete complex makes you strangely sexy...
Evn though people mistake you for carrot-top.
And that little air guitar gig on the platform while you were gettin your medal?
KILLER!

you ROOOOOOCCCCKKK.

Respectfully Yours,
-Me

Dear Ex-boyfriend's Fiancee,

Hey.. It was funny when you were my waitress the other day and you had no idea who i was...and little did you know, i've been facebook stalking you for quite some time now. Ha! Remember how it took him a year to wanna marry you? remember how it took him ten days to creepily tell me he wanted to marry me? HA! sweet vengeance is mine.

-Me

p.s.
i really think you are adorable and am secretly happy for the both of you. but don't tell him that.

Dear Boy,

Sorry there wasn't enough room in our relationship for me, you, AND your big fat ego.

Truly and Sincerely,
-Me