Dear Kristen Stewart,

I'm super fed-up with you and your breathing problems. Learn how to act. I dislike how you scream, and especially how you breathe. Sweetheart, breathing hard is not a character choice! Hyperventalating and having no emotion on your face is not a character choice, either. Thanks for ruining the vamp books for me. You piss me off, kristen stewart, and I'm quite convinced I could make a better 'bella' than you. Bless your heart, you are absolutely terrible.

Only trying to help,
-Me

Dear Tuesday/Wednesday Bus Driver,

I'm in love with you and I swoon everytime I see you.

Love,
-Me

Dear Halloween,

Hey, thanks for the great times yesterday. I sure did have fun. But, I think that you make things sorta slutty sometimes. You let girls dress up skanky and you allow body parts to hang from all sorts of places, ya know? And you make it possible for a whole dance floor to smell like sweaty butt. You were a ton funner when I was 6.

Thanks for the great times and letdowns,
-Me