Dear Girl,

I hope that somehow, someway and someday soon you recieve this letter. because trust me, in a few weeks you'd have wished that you had read it. I just wanted to inform you....
HE IS A MAN-HO AND IS GOING TO BREAK YOUR HEART SO RUN WHILE YOU CAN BEFORE HE PUTS HIS SPELL ON YOU, YOU SILLY GIRL! he only wants to kiss you. its not like he wants to be your boyfriend or anything. and if he says he wants to be your boyfriend, he is lying. lets be real. the only girlfriend he has is his boyfriend that looks back at him in the mirror everyday with that blue collared hollister shirt on. sweetheart, hes a player with a capital D for douche.

trust. me. on. this. one, okay blondie? i've been there done that! its just a matter of time my friend. hes a COWBOY CASANOVA. he's a devil in disguise. a snake with blue eyes, if you will. and he only comes out at night.

you better run for your life,
-Me

p.s... thanks carrie underwood for your inspiring words of wisdom.

Dear Homie,

I do not appreciate being called out infront of large groups of people when I am innocently keeping to myself and walking to class, minding my own business.
I especially do not like having attention brought to me by someone shouting rather loudly, the classy phrase:
"hey yo girl!"

And most of all, I think that a boy of your pasty complexion and miniscule stature has no place even uttering those words.
If you're gonna act like a G, at least be taller and older than Justin Beiber.

Thanks,
-Me

Dear Ricky Martin,

I hate to break this news to you, but everyone already knew you were gay.
Way to come out Ricky boy, but i mean... if your tight shirts and leather pants weren't enough, 'Livin la Vida Loca' sure opened up that closet you were hiding in.
All of our gaydars have definitely been pointing to you for the past 10 years.

Godspeed,
-Me

Dear Marriage Fairy,

Quit stealing my friends.
I know you mean well, but you are breaking my haaaaaahhhrrrtt.
Quit droppin diamonds like it aint no thing.
Or least take a few years off. Go on a vacay. Go crazy.
Over and Out.

Peace and Blessings,
-Me

Dear Bus Driver,

Oh, you again. Not only did we smile at eachother today, but we both asked how the other one was at the exact same time, so an absolutely adorable awkwardness radiated from the aggie shuttle. Ahhhh. Love.

Creepily,
Me

Dear USU students,

Hello. You know our awesome library? The good ol Merrill-Cazier? Yeah. That place.
Well, if you didn't know, that place is a place of studying. And quiet. And books. And cozy homework spots. And occasional facebook/drink/bathroom breaks.
However, it is NOT a place for making out, sitting on eachothers laps inappropriately, or youtubing Lion King videos.

That is all.

Maturely,
-Me

Dear Monday/Wednesday Bus driver,

Thanks for being so friendly today when i got up enough courage to say a few more words than just 'hi'.
You are adorable.
And maybe next time our conversation will be like.. 2 or 3 sentences? yahtzee!

I'm shooting for the moon,
-Me

Dear Shawn White,

You are hideous.
But your amazing athlete complex makes you strangely sexy...
Evn though people mistake you for carrot-top.
And that little air guitar gig on the platform while you were gettin your medal?
KILLER!

you ROOOOOOCCCCKKK.

Respectfully Yours,
-Me

Dear Ex-boyfriend's Fiancee,

Hey.. It was funny when you were my waitress the other day and you had no idea who i was...and little did you know, i've been facebook stalking you for quite some time now. Ha! Remember how it took him a year to wanna marry you? remember how it took him ten days to creepily tell me he wanted to marry me? HA! sweet vengeance is mine.

-Me

p.s.
i really think you are adorable and am secretly happy for the both of you. but don't tell him that.

Dear Boy,

Sorry there wasn't enough room in our relationship for me, you, AND your big fat ego.

Truly and Sincerely,
-Me